Acknowledged

I catch you staring a couple of times
What is it about me that interests your eye?
Does my messy hair trouble you?
Or is it my dull brown eyes
shielded by thick black-rimmed specs?
Perhaps you pity me
for my shabby, plain appearance
Think nothing of it
I assure you, your concern is misplaced.
Suddenly very aware of your piercing orbs,
I hide between the pages of Dickens
Peering through the words,
I met your gaze once
You answered by raising a curious brow,
leaving me most disgruntled
Are you questioning my reading preferences?
I wonder what rights you have to do that
Moments pass and I was quite convinced
that you have no right, none at all
With rare courage, I meet your eyes again
But they were smiling along with your lips
and my speech of admonition died inside my mouth

Saved

She says she’s in love with the smoke in my hands and the fires in my breath. My mouth refused to move, unspoken words of warning clogged my throat. She proceeds to tell me she’s in love with me. But she can’t. She cannot love me. She is all goodness, while I am danger. I am broken. You cannot love me. I am not the one for you.

She continues to talk and I continue to say nothing. I wanted to stop her monologue, but I couldn’t. I am hypnotized by her honesty and her emotions. I do not deserve you. She is saying all the things she likes in me – all my flaws and all my beauty. She tells me she trusts me and that she knows I won’t hurt her. I do not want to hurt you. I will never hurt you.

Her voice seeped through my skin, cleansing the blood in my veins. I don’t know when I stopped breathing and started crying, but I feel my lungs constricting painfully, deprived of air. My cheeks are wet, but I could not care less because suddenly the world falls to my feet and there is nothing else, only her. What are you doing to me? I fall in love with each and every word that comes out of her mouth, with each and every tear that escapes from her eyes. We are both crying now and I realize my silence is breaking her heart. I am desperately, catastrophically falling in love with you.

My soul craved her, loving her already, completely. My heart claimed her, screaming her name, beating for her. My body is in pain, wanting to be near her and my fingers ache to touch her. As soon as my feet learn to move again, I will touch her hair. I have always wondered, since the moment I laid eyes on her, how her chocolate brown locks will feel slipping through my fingers. But I can find that out later because now she is smiling at me and my heart cracks a little. You are so beautiful.

I feel her acceptance in my bones, her love deep in my stomach. Then I realize I am so far gone. I cannot save her from the monster that is myself and I cannot save myself from the angel that is her, but maybe it’s time to surrender. Before I even knew it, I already let her save me and all I need is her. My savior.

Reached

We stare at each other,
we say nothing because
the silence is enough
and us being in the same space is too much
I don’t move,
I’m afraid she’ll disintegrate
if I make the slightest movement
so I stand very still that
I started holding my breath
and there is this pain I feel
in many parts of my being,
I don’t know what caused it
maybe it’s her presence or
the way she is looking at me right now,
my body aches to be near her
my fingers ache to touch her
my mouth aches to kiss her
my brain aches to know all of her
my heart aches to love her
there is nothing else — just her
I am not aware of the time
but it felt like two lifetimes has passed
before my feet learned to walk again
and suddenly I am so close to her
She is smiling at me with tears in her eyes
and I feel my soul reaching out
wishing to be one with hers,
then I kiss her because
it felt like the next best thing to do
and the moment our lips touched I knew
I’m finally at that point in my life
where everything makes sense,
with her

Guilty

tell me how you sleep at night

when guilt consumes your dreams

and your conscience poisons

the blood in your veins,

the devil of your crimes

haunts your dead memories

Why my wallet is empty Part 2

I believe I deserve a treat from myself after the most horrible week of my life. I had my exams last week and while I studied really hard I’m still not too confident about my grades. The subjects were not easy especially the biology exam, it was hell. Being a university student is exhausting. It’s damaging, bad for the soul. And all the reviewers I made and memorized, the all-nighters I pulled, the multiple cups of coffee and barely an hour of sleep would prove nothing until I see my scores.  So, I have decided to indulge and find comfort in the things that I know will never ever let me down — books.

It was not a sale day, but the books whispered my name. So, I just had to give in. I was weak. In a bookstore, I’m jelly. I don’t have bones. I just go to where my name is being called the loudest. And I don’t think about the consequences. I robbed my savings and now I don’t have money to buy some new pretty clothes. Although, who needs clothes when you have books. Books make me happy and I definitely did not have any regrets purchasing my new babies.

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Had

she was his heart
his blood
his bones

she was his words
his thoughts
his feelings

once upon a time
she was his rock
she was his lifeline
his world

he had her
he lost her
now she is gone –
gone is his everything